i am but a humble jester. but you? you are too far above me.

i know that loneliness is being felt emotionally, but why does this hurts so real? i can literally feel it ripping me apart.

is it even possible to want someone that you don't even say hello to so much to that extend? it even felt like i need him at some point. the line between want and need is quickly blurring for me. i dont even know what he is like, his temperamental or other quirky habits. i really want to get to know him, i really do, but im scared of rejection, scared of being shut out, scared of disapproval. and i wont feel good because i know that i dont have pure intentions when i talk to him. i hate being like this! why is he so intelligent, so perfect to begin with? and i know that they all think this crush is superficial and everything but they wasnt me when i experienced the things that made me crush on him.

i hate being affected like this.