tried to think of anyone or anything that always makes me happy in order to stop the tears from rolling down but everytime i tried to i just end up thinking of the time when that someone or something made me sad. tough moment.
looking at all my friends who got a good boy/girlfriend, i seriously wonder when it will be my turn. or maybe i should just stop fantasizing. maybe im just one of those people who are meant to roam the world alone.
really soul-search myself until damn deep today sia. thinking about the way i act towards everyone and the meaning in living on and all that jazz. i really dont understand why such a mediocre person such as myself exist. everyone shld have a special quality right, and i found one in everybody i know but i just cannot find one in myself. i...ugh the most fucking awful thing is i am suffering inside and i want to write it all down to relieve some of the pain inside but i just cannot express my thoughts in words.
A girl calls and asks, “Does it hurt very much to die?”
Well, sweetheart, I tell her, yes, but it hurts a lot more to keep living.
—Survivor, Chuck Palahniuk
oh fuck me so apparently now im also suicidal
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